Crotch Monster

Hi Internetters! Welcome to my blog! Today I want to talk about, well, a thing that nobody seems to want to talk about: the crotch. I certainly am not the only one who has a crotch. But I understand, not everyone is onboard with this sort of thing. Read at your own discretion!

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There is rarely a day in which I am not fighting a battle with my crotchal area. Those of you who have this problem, dude, I feel you. Those of you who don't, if only you knew what I would give to have your crotch instead of mine.

I can’t even wear jeans. JEANS. you guys. The thing that everybody wears. The reason is partly because my crotch is extremely prudish, it's like the Mrs Grundy of crotches. It doesn't like to be near anything let alone pants that might as well be made out of concrete. The other reason is that I have a really long crotch. The area between my belly button and the bottom of my butt is very long. No trousers ever fit me. Every pair of pants I buy gives me a wedgie, and the part where the waist is supposed to be is always lower, at the point that cuts my stomach in half. TMI? Well, Moo Meng is honest, and makes no apologies! The people who should apologize are the pants makers.

The worst part of this is, because crotches are not talked about or looked at by most, people don’t notice this problem. Only dogs notice. That’s why they always go there first when they see me. They can sense that there is something wrong and they’re always eager to fix it. I can’t let them do that, but I do appreciate their sincerity.

Sometimes I envy people who get headaches or stomach problems, because even though it sucks to feel not well, they don’t have to be dodging people’s stares while walking around like a very deliberate and slow crab.

I hope that one day, I will be at peace with my crotch. Meanwhile, I’ve resolved to wearing leggings, and having conversations with the area down below: “I know, you had dreams of being a tyrannosaurus, it’s a shame you were born a crotch. It’s okay, I still love you. And now I would really appreciate it if you calmed down”.

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Thank you for reading you guys. I so very much appreciate it. Next week, there won’t be an update, ‘cause I’ll be taking a break. I’ll see you in two weeks, happy November! Bye!

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